ext. cold road
just zak and kamran on the road
just zak and kamran on the road
set in a quite road no one is on the road in the day time.
Kami in his 20s
\is wearing a black baseball cap with a black batman t-shirt, black jeans and a black pair of Adidas trainers.
\is wearing a black baseball cap with a black batman t-shirt, black jeans and a black pair of Adidas trainers.
Zakir is wearin blue casual jeans and a purple shirt
Zakir walks down the road and Kamran spots him
kamran
wheres my money?
Zak
what money?
kamran
10000 you borrowed of me
10000 you borrowed of me
Zak
i aint got your money!
kamran
for the drugs,
ill give you 24 hours to get all my money or else...
Asad who is 18 is wearing a black pair of jeans with a black top and black shoes
Zahaib 29 is wearing Casual black jenas with a black t-shirt and black shoes.
ext. zahaib zakir and asadullah are walking to zahaibs locker were there is 10000 in a bag which he has been saving since he was little int shot.
Zahaib:
dont tell no one my combination for my locker
Asadullah:
dont worry im not like that
Zak:
errrmm yeah dont worry i wont tell any one
Zahiab:
im serious i got 7000 in this locker and i only trust you two
ext shot. 10 minutes later zak returns he goes in to zahaibs locker and robs all the money
asad and zahaib return to his locker
Zahaib opens the locker
zahaib
were is my money
Asad:
theres only 3 people that know the combination me you and zak i was with you all day so it cant be me so its zak lets go check the security camera
asad and zahaib walk to the room
asad
i knew it was him, lets have a little chat with him
(takes out a gun from his inside pocket
ext. zak meets kamran at the top of a car park
kamran:
you got my money
zak:
yeah i got your money
kamran:
thats a good girl now pass me the money and you can chip home
zak:
here take your money
here take your money
zak hands the money over to kamran
Kamran drive off
45mins later Zahaib and asad see zak int shot.
zahaib:
wheres my money
zak:
what money
asad:
the money you took from his locker
zak:
i aint touched that money
asad
were not stupid you know exactly what were talking about
asad gets his gun out and shoots zak in the leg
asad
so where is it
zak
kamis got the money
zahaib
where is he?
zak
hes gone home with the money
Asad gets the gun and shoots zak in the head
Asad and zahaib walk to kamis house
Zahaib: i heard this guy is a maniac he killed a guy with one hand
Asad: yes its true i saw it with my own eyes
Zahaib: there he is
inc. Asad and Zahaib slowly walk up to him more nervous then ever
Kami: what you 2 want?
Asad:
we just came to get our money back
Zahaib:
the money that zak robbed from my locker
kam:
where is zak
asad:
hes dead, i shot him
zahaib:
so if you wanna get shot i suggest you give the money
kami:
are you threatnig me, ok tomorrow
Asad: you aint going to give it
Kami: your so cleva (laughs evily )
zahaib: give me the money
Kami:how about no
asad: shoot him zahaib
Kami pulls out a gun from behind his back and shoots both of them in the head.The End
Genre: Action,Thriller
This is a promising start Kamran, but you have left a few elements out in terms of structure, mainly scene headings. I have written you a scene-by-scene guide to the changes you have to make to your script:
ReplyDeleteext. cold road
You need to write the time of day in your scene headings.
There is some good detail used to describe your characters' appearance here; you need to add Zakir's age.
Your dialogue needs capital letters.
ext. zahaib zakir and asadullah are walking to zahaibs locker were there is 10000 in a bag which he has been saving since he was little int shot.
You need to put the descriptions of your characters for the next scene after the scene heading. You have mixed the first sentence of your stage directions up with your scene heading. You need a separate scene heading like you have done for scene one.
ext shot. 10 minutes later zak returns he goes in to zahaibs locker and robs all the money
Again, you need separate scene headings and stage directions. You need to add capital letters and punctuation to your dialogue and stage directions.
ext. zak meets kamran at the top of a car park
You need to do the same here Kamran. You also need to add clear stage directions.
45mins later Zahaib and asad see zak int shot.
If the time changes, the scene changes so this needs to be a new scenenwith its own heading and description.
You also need to punctuate your dialogue and add capital letters.
Asad and zahaib walk to kamis house
This is a new scene again. You need to add a lot of scene headings here Kamran; look at the BBC writers room website again in order to remind you how to lay out a scene heading.